...my latest job interview

...Are you qualified for the position?

Probably not.

...Are you confident in your skills?

Um, about 40 percent of the time.

...What are your biggest strengths?

Not falling asleep between 7 a.m. and 6:30 p.m. while sitting up, loading a drying machine in 10 seconds flat, and belly kisses.

...What tools do you use to reach a successful outcome?

A video monitor and chai tea lattes. Intravenously. (Side note: my doctor had the calcium talk with me the other day and, in all seriousness, I asked her, "How much calcium is in a latte?")

...What's the last book you read (I always get that one in interviews, do you?)

Chica Chica Boom Boom.

...What was the most difficult task you've completed in the last month?

Putting together a train track. I still need to look at the instructions every time. Even if I've had a chai tea latte. Or three.

--

At the start of the new year, I retired from work. (Ken loves it when I say I retired, as if it came with a pension and social security).

I have been working in marketing, public relations, and communications since I was 19. And that was a long time ago. For the last year, I had been working almost entirely from home, which in essence sounds great, but in reality with a toddler and an infant was, well, not great.

We decided that when we made the move to the new house that I would stay home. I always imagined I would eventually stay home with my babies, but that was back before I had babies and knew how much work they were.

Seriously.

I think every girl between the ages of 18 and 105 who has a job and doesn't have kids probably lives in the same fantasy world I did - where staying home with kids would actually be easier than going to an office each day. Well, newsflash 28 year-old Laura: the day you ran out of the Board Room crying after the CFO was "mean" to you in front of your colleagues? Yeah, that day was a cakewalk compared to some of your days now.

You don't need to tell me I'm doing the right thing. I know I am. I know someday I will look back at these days and be so glad I was here for it all. Even the poop. By God, there is a lot of poop.

But I miss working. Sure, my colleagues may have whined but at least they didn't drool on me while doing it. And they never hit me, as bad as things got (but I also couldn't put them in time out. Oh the power I wield as a mother!)

I miss my pint-size purses and hitting the snooze button. Oh glorious, glorious snooze button I miss you more than I miss my waist. I miss bagels in the board room and presents from vendors at Christmas. Some days I even miss black pants and scratchy knee highs (sexy, I know).

I miss hearing that I'm doing a good job. I miss having a task and completing it. I miss peeing alone.

I will think, at the end of a particularly long day where no one napped, I still have light fixtures to pick out, and I have no idea what's for dinner, that these kids would be so much better off in daycare.

And I will think somewhere in a parallel universe, 28 year-old Laura is walking to her car, her heels clicking on the sidewalk, her bag smartly slung over her spit-up free shoulder, and the only thing she's thinking about is what she'll watch on TV that night.

But then, in the current universe, a lot of nights I imagine my Pop Pop Charlie watching me put my Charlie to bed. I see what he would see. My little boy, his namesake, splashing in the water until his fingers look like raisins. His namesake bundled up in a towel and playing with his train while I ask him about his day and get him dressed in his pajamas. His namesake listening so dutifully to me telling him to pick out a book as I sigh my way down into the rocker. His namesake walking backward to me, to land just right in my lap. His namesake pointing for just one more book. His namesake laying on his pillow, and smiling ear to ear as I whisper, "Night night Charlie. I love you. Best little boy in the whole wide world."

And I think my Pop Pop wouldn't care about a great spreadsheet I created that day, or a video I produced or a website I launched. He'd care about that little boy in that crib and how much he loves his momma. And he'd see, he'd see, he'd see how much that momma loves that little boy and his little sister in the next room over.

And that...That is what matters.

Comments

[Katy]

:)

[Jennifer]

My dear, you just told my story! I have 3 1/2 year old and a 4 1/2 month old and this week is trying to bury me. I've gone to bed every single night in the past month promising/threatening myself to do better tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes.

And I, too, really miss peeing alone.

[Susan]

Beautiful post. Your story is a precious one. 26 years later, I can tell you that you'll always be glad to be at home for these years. Bless you all.

[Susan]

p.s. I should clarify, it was 26 years ago that I my 3rd child was born, and the notion of returning to the work place was on hold for - erm - 12 years? :-)

[barbara]

You are very lucky to be in the position to "retire". I had the best job in the school and have no regrets about sending my son to day care where he made the friends he still has today at age 26.

[heidi]

I think you are doing a *really* good job. <3

[Carey]

Your post made me laugh out loud. I remember when my son around age 2 said I was the Sweeper lady. I thought to myself, I went to college for five years worked for six and now I'm sweeping!!! I never regretted it either though.

[Steph H]

We had an especially rough day yesterday and I had a bedtime meltdown. Something to the tune of, "I need to go back to work. I suck at this stay at home mom thing. I need a boss who controls his bowels, says thank you, and doesn't climb the walls."
So yeah, this is timely.

[MOM]

I must be really dense, because the thought of going back to teaching never occurred to me, even on my worst day! My "job" was the most important one and was more than full-time.

I am grateful for every day I had at home with you and Brendan.

And by 65, you forget the spit up and poop!

L,M

[Nancy]

This is so beautifully written Laura. You're definitely your mother's daughter.

[Kelly]

Now that my littles are in their 20's and one of them has their wn little, I have to say that even though the results of being mom can't be seen in the midst of the daily, looking back I can totally see that those little people truly are my greatest accomplishment! :) keep going, girl! It's worth it!

[Becky Trump]

Beautifully written and just beautiful.

I'm not in my 20s anymore, but w/o kids I do have those fantasies about being a stay at home wife ;) Adam says I sure can as soon as we win the lotto...

[Kristen]

As a former colleague I'm happy to tell you that you are doing a terrific job. Want me to send you an official performance review? :)

[Kimberly L.C.]

I love what you have written here... so thoughtful and witty.

I always thought I'd stay home with my kids and I can't manage to conceive one of my own right now, let alone stay home with it. Maybe someday...

[jeny]

Beautifully said. I have a little one on the way and I am awake every night trying to figure out how to make this work so I can do the same awesome job my Mom did and not put her in daycare. I can't think of a more important job.

[melanie]

you are right. 100%.

and i so wish we could live closer so that we could have chai play dates. heavenly!

[barbara]

You're a great mom, enjoy every moment :)

[Ang]

Perfectly written. Gave me tears.

[Natalie (QSOgirl)]

It is such a beautiful blessing to be able to stay at home! I am learning it more and more each day with my new little girl. This really is my dream job!! Thank you for writing it so much more eloquently than I ever could.

[Jenn A.]

Love your post, Laura. It's going to be scary to quit my job and give up some of the financial security and cushion to which we have become accustomed, but I just know it will be so worth it! Our baby girl is due in about 7 weeks, so this is a very timely post. I think I will miss teaching but it will be a joy to watch my baby girl grow and not miss those daily moments that only come once.
I think you must be doing a fantastic job!

[Barb]

You are doing a great job.

[Audrey]

Beautiful Laura. I gave up my job as a 1st grade teacher to stay home with my baby 9 years ago. I often have the "these kids would be better off in daycare" thought. And then I remind myself of all the important things I did for them that day and it's all ok ;)

[Smitha Katti]

Oh Laura! this is so TRUE.... there are days-- I would say especially thursdays-- where nothing seems to get anywhere. My toddler does not nap, she quit just quit napping one day- and 12 to 14 hours on non stop energy is so hard to manage... I love my girls to pieces, but somedays all I see is poop and plastic toys and mushy food... Somedays, I catch myself dreaming-- that both the girls would go down for a nap- daily- at the same time, just for two hours... That much of predictability in my day is all I ask for... But then somedays, my older one just walks to me and hugs me and says thank you for no reason- and I know why I do this, why everything is worthwhile :)

[celeste]

:)

[Mercer]

like