...two years

Two years. Hard to believe. It still feels like she's at a trip to my mom and dad's and will come panting in the door any minute. Even though she wouldn't know this door. And she wouldn't know Clara. And Charlie would look like a grown man to her now.

She is constantly on my mind. On our minds. She would have loved it here. She would have been eleven now, an old lady in dog years. I imagine she would have lived out her twilight years on our screen porch, chasing all the wildlife in her mind.

I miss her when Clara's 9,492th puff lands on the floor.

I am still not sure we will ever get another dog. My heart, well, it's still broken. She was...the best.

Comments

[Pamela Davis]

I so totally understand your feelings. We lost our dog last October and even though it was for the best, (she had diabetes and had to have needles twice a day and she had gone blind)I miss her with every fiber of my being. I just told my husband yesterday that I could finally say her name without cryig. Like you, I don't know that we will ever get another but I reserve the right to change my mind anytime. LOL.
Pam Davis

[jojo]

I TOTALLY understand Laura...our golden was everything to us...it has been three years and just now we got a new dog. We couldn't even get another golden, didn't want to compare, so this time we got a labradoodle! Our hearts our wide open and loving again. It was time for us and you will know when the time is right for you and your family.

[alexandra]

Tears for you and Charmer today...
and for the two beautiful dogs I've had to say goodbye to too.
When our Mika died I couldn't imagine getting another dog but we had two dogs and the one she left behind was desperately lonely for over a year following her death. We ended up getting a black labradoodle (Hudson) and he has brought lots of love and laughter back to our little family and a renewed energy to our old shepherd, Asha.
If and when you're ready you will know.
Hugs,
A.

[JillT]

Beautiful tribute to your sweet Charmer!

[betsy sammarco]

oh Laura! you've got me crying today! You'll know when the time is right ...

[mom]

Oh, my heart hurts.

L,M

[Lisa Dickinson]

hugs, laura. i know too well what you are feeling. a piece of your heart will always belong to Charmer!

[meckenzie]

Charmer!! The dog with the horse name. What a great puppy. Hugs to you and the rest of the family. xoxo

[Becky Trump]

Huge lump in my throat. HUGE. And tear welling up in my eyes. This makes my heart hurt and also just want to reach out and hug you. I will give Henry an extra hug and kisses for you tonight.
XOXO.

[gabby]

this made me cry.
loved that charmer dog.
love you.
xoxo.

[laurie lariviere]

the tears are flowing, oh my goodness she was beautiful! aren't dogs the best, they bury themeselves so deep into our hearts and stay there...we have our first dog as a family, he is 4, and when my rabbit died last summer I was heartbroken and told my husband, " I don't see how anyone can get over the loss of a dog" they are so animated and adorable, they are just amazing family additions. Hugs my friend, I am sure that your pretty girl Charmer is running around in that new yard of yours chasing birds and watching over her kids... :)

[Mercer]

I am sure Charmer is smiling down from dog heaven when she sees you in your new wooded wonderland and might even be reincarnated into the dog that uncle Frank will one day get for you.

[cannycrafter]

This made me cry too. I am lucky to still have my dog, now he is aged 14, but he has started to slow down a lot. I feel for you. Every time I let my dog out last thing at night, I go back to that line in your post when Charmer died, about not going to the back door anymore and it hurts! xxx

[Becky @ Pieces of my Life]

I have tears in my eyes. Our first big dog and family dog was a wonderful man named Seamus and he was a boxer. He was the best dog ever and his health failed very quickly. We did get a new boxer relatively quickly and he is also boxer named Riley. He is so much like our dog Seamus that I get very teary eyed when I think that he is now 8, which is older for a Boxer and he is slowing down, that we may only have him for another year or two and it just hurts my heart, so I know how you feel. Thank you for expressing your heart so well.

[melanie]

such a sweet, sweet girl. i can't believe it's been that long.

hugs to all of you.

[Lisa]

Oh, Laura. I feel for you. It's been 39 days since my golden, Tucker, went to doggy heaven. Not that I'm counting. Ahem.

Your Charmer looked like a gorgeous specimen, and I'm sort of jealous that she actually retrieved. Mine just looked at whatever you through, he followed the arc with his head, then looked at the human and said "hey, you, with the thumbs, you dropped something way over yonder."

My husband said it best. "He retrieved our hearts and never gave them back."

That's what your Charmer did.

I also would like to believe that our doggies would want us to get another dog. Show another dog the love that a human family can give them, and children, and fun.

One day you'll be ready. One day, I hope we are ready. I'd also like to one day stop trying to refill Tucker's water bowl.

[Kara A. Forrest]

Sending hugs again from a little town in Southern Maryland. I am that "other" golden retriever owner that fell in love with your blog through Charmer. It was Charmer's stories that kept me up way past lesson plans and grading papers to read her stories. Airiel, my golden girl, sends hugs to you today:)

[Megan Smith]

Laura - I am sobbing right now. What a heartfelt, honest post. I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our golden last fourth of July. He was only six and was diagnosed with lymphoma on June 18th. Less than a month later he was gone. We also moved to a new house (we were under contract when he was diagnosed). We bought a house with a fenced yard just for Chase and he never got to enjoy it. I feel a sense of loss everyday and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him. Chase would have been so wonderful with our new baby boy too. I would love another dog, one day, but I don't know when we will be ready. I still have yet to scrap a page about Chase since his passing. I just can't bring myself to do it. Lots of hugs...

[Susan C.]

Aww... I'm so sorry. It's such a hard loss. We just lost one of our dogs a little over two weeks ago. It's been so very hard. Charmer was a great dog and member of your family. I always loved those Charmer posts that you... err, she wrote up. ;)

[Lauren]

thinking of you, Laura. had we not found Lhuna on the side of the road, I am not sure we would have another dog, either. regardless, I am just thankful that we are able to give her a nice, loving home. dogs are our very best friends. *

[Linda]

I understand! My heart is still broken too from losing my beloved Golden, Bear! He was a wonderful friend for almost 14 years and I still miss him every day! I am so grateful to have had him! Thanks for sharing your stories about Charmer. Your beautiful post ( and pictures of her ) last year are what led me to reading your blog!

[Barb]

Oh, Laura. Thinking of you!

(And, it's a sad day all around for dogs. Today is the birthday of the dog of one of my bestest friends. Maddie lost a battle with lymphoma in February. She would have been seven today.)

[emily (justem)]

Sending you love. Today is our dog's first birthday in dog heaven. She would have been seven. Perhaps they are celebrating together. :)

[emily (justem)]

Just saw Barb's comment above mine...clearly didn't see it before I posted. In any case, I'm sure hope my Maddie has found your Charmer. :)

[MarieP]

Oh, Laura, your Charmer posts always kill me. And all the other comments do, too. I never understood the passion people felt for their dogs until we had Mr. Beasley and now I'm like you; I'm not sure we'll ever have another dog. Over a year later, and my heart still aches. I hope Charmer and Mika and Seamus and Tucker and Chase and Bear and Maddie and Beasley are jumping around together in heaven, chasing squirrels and running on strong legs and rolling around in the grass. I never believed that pets went to heaven until we lost Mr. B. Now I am sure I'll find him there....