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sigh.......it is all just so difficult and so much worry.


Stephanie Howell

Love you so much. Sending you a big hug, wish I could give it to you in person.


Hello, I don't know you (or your Mom) in real life, but reading this made my heart ache for you both. To picture in my minds eye that family tree with the losses, the dear ones missing - and the questions and sadness - along with the uncertainty this testing brings - well, it just makes me heavy for you.

My reflex at times like this? I pray, Lord have mercy. Lifting you both up in prayer right now.


ticking time bomb. I can relate...
I was diagnosed with breast cancer five months ago. my maternal grandmother had breast cancer, so I also had the BRCA1+ BRCA2 tests (post-diagnosis, to determine the best surgical plan). I am negative. but, being negative didn't stop me from getting breast cancer at 37. In many ways a positive result would have been "easier". I chose to have a lumpectomy, but did I chose correctly? should I have just had the mastectomy anyway? will it come back? when will it come back? it would have solved a lot of whys and what-ifs. it might help the constant fear.
thinking of you, and sending both you and your amazingly brave mother love and hugs. xo


Sarah, I hope you are reading this. I could not find a place to comment on your blog nor your e-mail address.

Please know that I share and understand your constant fear. There is really nothing else one with cancer can say. I get through each day but worry all the time. Every hour of every day. I do not make long-term plans. Buying a new car last week was a HUGE leap of faith. This is a terrible way to live, but at least we are alive!

Hugs and good thoughts
JoAnn, Laura's mom

Steph H

Some days I am amazed by science and what we know now, and what we can learn. But when I read stuff like this I know that there is infinitely more that we don't know. There *must* be a connection between all of the cancer in your family. Not that gene, but somewhere else. And that uncertainty is so very frustrating. Thinking of you friend.


I have nothing brilliant or comforting to add, I just want you to know you are heard. Sometimes that counts a little bit.


I hear... I understand... Praying....
Testing in my future...

Karen P

Your post sure resonates with me. My mother had breast cancer in her 60's and then later got uterine cancer, which she died of a few years ago. In her family, her parents, all her siblings and some aunts and uncles died of either breast or colon cancer. We had genetic testing done, and the BRCA gene is not present. However, we firmly believe that these cancers are due to environmental factors. My mother's father worked at the Hanford project during WWII and was in direct contact with radiation and plutonium production. There were orchards surrounding the Hanford works and many of the employees took fruit home to their families, which was no doubt contaminated. I believe my grandpa inadvertently brought contamination home to his family on his clothes as well. Not much was known about radiation at the time, and he wasn't even aware of what he was working onr the ultimate goal of the Manhattan Project. I also know that my mother's family was exposed to asbestos during her growing-up years.

My sister and I are both frustrated with a system that won't recognize or explore these facts. Ultimately our times are in God's hands, and my trust in him is what sees me through and keeps me from constant worry.

I'll keep you and your mom in my prayers. You have a beautiful family!

Barbara Soulier

How I love and admire you and your mom! I think of you often, and can only hope you'll have many sources of comfort and strength, as you live with what you've so thoughtfully expressed.


May I say, having the test come back positive was no cake walk either. My Mother died of breast cancer at 35, none of her sisters lived past 40. I and my 3 sisters went in together and had bilateral total mastectomies. Only to have our oldest sister develop ovarian cancer. How many body parts can a woman prolifically have cut out or off? I am genetically predestined to develop cancer and no it is not one bit easier than having the tests come back negative. Having that piece of paper to hang onto does not change reality. Taking steps to minimize the risk, doesn't put I and my sisters in a safe place. Two of my sisters opted not to have children rather than pass on the gene. I look at my daughters and my heart breaks, how could I have done this to them.

laura g.

sigh...how do I begin? I understand your fears as a breast cancer survivor...my mom had breast cancer, uterine cancer AND colon cancer...all about 5 years apart..it was the colon cancer that metastized to the liver that took her life at age 76...I was diagnosed with breast cancer a year ago and had the bilateral mastectomy...was signed up for a lumpectomy and then changed my mind...good thing...pre cancer was discovered in my 'good' breast when the pathology report came back...did chemotherapy and am now on a Herceptin regimen until February and feeling pretty well...have followed your Mom's blog and am inspired by her honesty (thank you) and bravery...YOU ROCK! it is my understanding the tests you took only test for that possibility, there are many more...just be vigilant about getting your mammograms etc...and of course PRAY...hugs to you and your mom...

jennifer mcguire

my doctor has encouraged me not to get tested for the same reason - i know it won't make me feel much better. it is such a hard thing. big hugs to you. you are brave and awesome.

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