...I was sitting in our family room when my mom called me to tell me her CT scan had shown a questionable lymph node. Charlie wanted something, Clara was clinging to me. I had been waiting for the call all day, anxiety building with each passing minute. I needed to check out, to listen to what my mom was saying. But I just couldn't, because I am Charlie and Clara's mom. And they need me. And they don't understand. And that is OK. It's the reality. I would be there for every doctor's appointment, every chemo round, every tear my mom cries, but I can't.
The reality is that I have two sick kids.
The reality is that I have a yard full of baby frogs. And a little boy who actually picks them up, as I scream when they hop near me (yes, I am terrified of a baby frog that measures, um, a half of an inch?):
The reality is that I still have pages I want to scrapbook, and that my last pages as a member of the Design Team at Studio Calico went up today:
The reality is that I'm starting to think about scrapbook pages I want to do, with no products I have to use, no deadlines. I'm already planning a bunch of pages about the Little House and did this one to kick it all off:
...the reality is that I have already cried five times while watching the Olympics and they've been on for less than 24 hours. I did not cry once during the Opening Ceremonies because I just don't get it.
...the reality is that it would be easy to get caught in the hole of, "life isn't fair." Because right now it doesn't feel fair. But I don't want to be that person. I will not be that person.
continually thinking of you guys. and so loving the beginning of the house book.
Posted by: melanie | 28 July 2012 at 11:04 PM
When I saw a new post from you pop up in my reader I almost didn't read it since I read your mom's post this morning. I have been away from my kids for 10 days, I will see them again tomorrow. I took an amazing trip with my father, we drive from New Hampshire to Banff Alberta Canada nearly 3000 miles. I didn't want to go for a lot of reasons but it was a once in a life time trip. Even though I don't know you or your mom, I thought of both of you...when I ok certain pictures ?..oh, imwill just leave it like that and hope you understand what I am getting at,
Sometimes I write these big long comments and never post them but I think I will tonight
Posted by: Tami | 28 July 2012 at 11:11 PM
Dear Laura- You'll forever be one of my favorite scrapbookers... every page I see of yours inspires me to want to scrapbook again, one day. ;) Praying for you and your mom as you face all that's been dealt to you to deal with... I have no words of wisdom. All I can do is pray (but I hear that's quite a bit sometimes) Sending you all my best thoughts and prayers...
Posted by: kelly | 29 July 2012 at 09:04 AM
Laura,
I have to agree with Kelly (above) you are my FAVORITE scrapbooker, I just adore your work! You have such talent. I'm so happy to hear you are planning many more pages - you truly inspire! I love that your work is inspired by your pictures rather then products! I hope your beautiful kiddos/family and scrapping will help get you through this difficult time, I cannot imagine. My thoughts are with you. Sending hugs!!!
Posted by: audra | 29 July 2012 at 10:05 AM
As others have mentioned, your LO's are fabulous and your style is beautifully unique. Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us. Prayers for you and your family.
Posted by: jettH | 29 July 2012 at 12:15 PM
I will be that person. Anytime you want to say it's not fair, call me. I'll say it for you. I'll type it in all caps in an email. I'll record it and upload it to youtube. I'll tweet it. I'll find a way to instagram it. We can start a hash tag.
Because, seriously, it's not fair. But you are a crazy strong mama and I have a feeling you inherited that from your own crazy strong mama. So, we plug on.
(being a grown up sucks.)
Posted by: Steph H | 29 July 2012 at 12:33 PM
Laura, life is so hard sometimes, it is not fair at all when loved ones get sick, I have witnessed this in my family many times and I have always asked "why me and why them" we just have to stay strong and focus on the good stuff, sorry the kids are sick, hope they feel better soon :) and prayers for your mom all the time.
Posted by: laurie lariviere | 29 July 2012 at 07:06 PM
I'm with Stephanie. I am willing to put money (or at least some Thickers or kraft paper) on the fact that your mom's heart bursts when she watches what a good mama you are to Charlie and Clara.
And, so very sorry that life is less than beautiful for you right now. I'm willing to come stay in the pantry to help take care of things if life gets really dire.
Posted by: Barb | 29 July 2012 at 07:10 PM
Sending lots of love, good thoughts, prayers and healing for you, your mom and the kids. XO.
Posted by: KMS | 29 July 2012 at 07:12 PM
you are amazing.
and beautiful and strong.
you are the kind of daughter we all dream about having.
and the kind of mom we are all trying to be.
love you so.
xo.
Posted by: brooke | 29 July 2012 at 09:05 PM
You are an inspiration. I think you should dare yourself to touch a frog - just once. = )
Posted by: Brooke | 29 July 2012 at 09:47 PM
Life really does suck at times. Your children help you live your life rather than drowning in everything else and that is such a good thing.. My heart goes out tonyou and I will so miss your work at SC. Aren't the Olympics something else!?
Posted by: Claire T | 30 July 2012 at 01:41 AM
i agree with the brooke 3 above me.
love you so.
xoxo.
Posted by: gabby | 30 July 2012 at 07:49 AM
Big hugs and prayers, Laura. ... and you are such an inspiration. Your gallery was beautiful as always this month. I truly hope you will share your creativity along with all your stories of life here on yoru blog :) I can't wait to see more of those house pages!
Posted by: ShellyJ | 30 July 2012 at 12:55 PM
Dora in Finding Nemo said it best...over and over and over again!!
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming
Hang in there!
Posted by: Valerie Rodriguez | 30 July 2012 at 03:52 PM
Everyone above has echoed my feelings....I love Valerie's post...just keep swimming!
Posted by: Joanne | 30 July 2012 at 07:34 PM
Sometimes. Life isn't fair, and I am speaking from experience. My daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumor at the age of 22 and I knew then that life wasn't fair. For perspective, though, I met a lovely young mom and dad whose 3 year old daughter had a brain tumor (we were all awaiting turns to send our daughters in for an MRI). We discussed who had it worse...I felt they did and they felt I did. But even when life is not fair, look around, chances are life is being harder on someone else. That is not to say that it isn't hard, because it is, but often, it could be worse. Perspective is a good thing. Prayers said for your family.
Posted by: Anita | 30 July 2012 at 09:34 PM
hang in there! take care of your babies first..that is what your mama would want you to do...take care of yourself too!
love your pages...and i don't use a lot of stuff on my pages either...it is more important to get the story told than it is to adorn the paper...hugs to you and your family!!
Posted by: laura g. | 31 July 2012 at 12:06 AM
thinking of you laura ;)
Posted by: wendy bretz | 31 July 2012 at 07:34 PM
don't be that person. i'm stuck in that 'life's not fair' hole after losing my sweet mom to cancer last year. your post really lifted me up. you are an awesome daughter and amazing momma. thanks for the inspiration. i'm sure you have tons of photos- i always dreamed of a generations photo with my mom. please take one with you and your cutie daughter and beautiful mom.
Posted by: Audra | 01 August 2012 at 03:25 PM
Hugs to you and those sweet cheeks that belong to your kiddos. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by: Becky Trump | 02 August 2012 at 02:52 PM
Please keep us posted on your mom, Laura. My mom is a breast cancer survivor. Cancer in parents is traumatic. It just is. I'm so sorry that you and your mom are going through this.
Posted by: MarieP | 07 August 2012 at 08:38 PM
And please keep posting your layouts. I love them so much.
Posted by: MarieP | 07 August 2012 at 08:38 PM
I'm with Stephanie,too. thank u for your sharing!
Posted by: juicy couture outlet | 10 August 2012 at 04:14 AM
It isn't fair sometimes, life that is. However just by the fact that you are stating you don't want to be that person who says that phrase, I think that gives you a pass, especially during this time.
I know about that waiting, and although I don't know what you're going through now, I can only imagine what it must feel like. We're here to listen.
Posted by: Kimberly L.C. | 10 August 2012 at 08:45 PM
Laura- I am back pedaling trying to find where Iissef your mom has mass. Life isn't fair...., but, I have a sixteen year old who reminds me that if it was it could just as easily be...,, we would all be poor, dumb and ugly. I'll take unfair and high five life's gifts. Our prayers are with you.... Your mom..., she is easy to like even from afar.
Posted by: Linda | 06 September 2012 at 10:10 AM